Monday, February 2, 2009

Confucious vs. Confusion: who is the author?

So, this has been some kind of crazy week. No free time. None. Not that I'm totally complaining because lets be honest--I go a little bit nuts if I have nothing to do. So week=busy=good.

Then came the weekend, when I had entirely too much time on my hands. Luckily my wonderful roommate hung out with me so I didn't spend too much time being introspective. I'm one of those people who would go crazy in solitary confinement because I would have too much time to think. I had a lot to think about this weekend. A lot to worry and be anxious about. Or, to be more precise, two things to worry and be anxious about.

One is the living situation for next year. My management company wants to know by Friday if I plan on my life having any significant changes in the next 8 months. Which is totally understandable; after all, what kind of person undergoes unexpected significant life-changing experiences in their college years, right? Me and Caresse were thinking of moving in with two of the girls from upstairs, and they were thinking of moving in with us--which is good; but one of them is probably going on a mission now and I don't know what the other one is doing. So I don't know. We'll see.

The other thing driving me just absolutely stir crazy is boys. They are dumb (just in case anyone was wondering). Not just mine either. Lots of boys are dumb. My cousin's cousin and I have decided that boys are dumb, and girls are complicated. I'm okay with that. But sometimes it would really be nice to have a no-holds-barred conversation so I can get inside of that boys head. I don't care what the answer is I just need to know it.

In response to this, my head has been thinking and pondering it all weekend. I knew I was very confused, and I stumbled upon the thought that satan is the father of confusion... or something like that. So I looked it up and found 1 Cor 14:33 "For God is not the author of confusion... but of peace." Sunday I talked with my Bishop, who is wonderful by the way, he gave me some good advice that basically amounted to: try this certain thing, if it doesn't work, it's NOT an issue of timing... he's just not the right guy. Since he is (1) my bishop, and (2) basically answered the question I was fasting about in the direct way that only someone inside my head can... I'm inclined to believe him. Talking to him reminded me of other advice I have previously gotten, that enventually turned into this thought process:

I was told some time ago that "He will give me all He has promised, but that I need to have patience and humility--the blessings will come when He knows I am ready." It occurred to me finally that patience is faith. Faith in turn is tied into hope, charity, and the pure love of Christ; but the most important realization for me at this time was that patience is synonomous with faith. It seems a lot easier to have patience now that I know all it means is to have faith in Him and His plan for me. I have a lot of that.

I can have patience. I can have faith. I just need to wait out the emotional storm, and wonderful things will come.


  1. blast! i just wrote a majorly awesome post and the internet lost it! basically it said you're awesome, and i mean that in the way the word originated, unlike my first usage in which i am using it in the coloquial vernacular. (how's that for big words?)

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